


He ain't got testicles!!!!!!

by what_a_dork_fish



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, This is absolute nonsense, no transphobia I promise just some good old-fashioned Why Are Witchers... Like That
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23621620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_dork_fish/pseuds/what_a_dork_fish
Summary: You read the title. You know.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 13
Kudos: 73





	He ain't got testicles!!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> LOOK I DON'T KNOW I WAS WATCHING A PLAYTHROUGH AND COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW THE WITCHERS SEEMED TO HAVE MASSIVE BONERS AND THEN I REALIZED THEY HAD NO BALLS
> 
> SO
> 
> THIS

“Uh… Geralt?”

Geralt stopped kissing Jaskier’s neck, and tensed unhappily. Here it came. The Question.

“Why are your balls fake?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Geralt growled, and lifted his head to kiss Jaskier, who put up with this quite happily, but then asked, “No, I mean it, why don’t you have testicles? Is it a Witcher thing?”

Geralt was _not_ blushing. “...yes.”

“Ah. That’s why you’re sterile.” Jaskier mused on this for a moment, tracing circles on Geralt’s back with his fingertips. Geralt was going to lose all control if Jaskier kept touching him like this, so gently, so warmly, and with his legs already wide…

“So it’s like neutering a cur so it stops mounting your purebred,” Jaskier mused, and kissed Geralt gently, grinning at his impatient groan. “Except you’re still absolutely full to the brim of sexual prowess.”

“Jaskier.”

“I know.” Jaskier kissed him again, harder, showing his own impatience. “Give it to me, Geralt.”

~

Afterwards, Jaskier lay curled snugly against Geralt, head on his shoulder, arm over his waist. Geralt was usually uncomfortable with such closeness, but it seemed fine with Jaskier.

“You know,” Jaskier said sleepily, “I think it’s rather strange, when there’s plenty of other ways to make sure you can’t reproduce.”

“It’s tradition,” Geralt muttered, feeling uncomfortable.

“Yes, I know. Hmm. Are you sure we can’t visit your home and go through whatever texts are left?”

“I am very sure.”

“Damn.” Jaskier gave a cat-like wriggle and somehow pressed closer, a little oven against Geralt’s side. “Oh well. I like what you have just fine.”

Geralt rolled his eyes.

“You rolled your eyes at me, didn’t you.”

“No.”

“You did.”

“I did not.”

Jaskier laughed and kissed Geralt’s shoulder. “Fine.”

And that, Geralt fervently hoped, was the end of THAT.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to apologize to my mother, to Bee, to Rosie, and to Andrzej Sapkowski himself. I have no excuse.


End file.
